To You, Four Years From Now
by SilentJo
Summary: Midoriya broke things off with Kirishima days before they were to leave on an internship program in America, not giving Kiri a reason why. Midoriya hasn't gone a day without regretting his choice, and hasn't gotten over Kirishima even four years later. BNHA Angst Week 2019 - Prompts Regret/"Even now..."


"But I thought you wanted to get out of Japan and see more of the world. Now you're just going to miss out on this opportunity? This was something for us to do together!"

"Kiri, I know you expected me to go with you for this internship overseas. I just… I can't do it." Midoriya let his hand fall out of Kirishima's, who let his drop in frustration.

"This isn't a short trip, Midoriya. I'll be in America for years. I mean, I care about you, so much. But can you really wait years for me to come back? If I even come back?" Kirishima sniffled and wiped at his eyes. "I don't want to lose you."

Looking away, Midoriya lowered his gaze, "I can't expect you to wait for me, Kiri. There is just a lot going on with me right now."

"And… And you can't trust me enough to help?"

"I can't ask you because there's nothing you can do about it! This is something I have to face on my own. I can't split my attention between you and my problem."

Kirishima couldn't stop crying. This hurt far worse than he expected. "Is this, goodbye? Like, for good?"

"I'm sorry, Kiri. It's the best thing to do. It'd be unfair to lead you on with false hope. I know you'll be amazing over there in America. Forget about me and go be the best hero they've ever seen!" Midoriya's eyes were streaming with tears now, his heart aching for a better solution, but after so much soul searching, came up with nothing.

"I'll go, because it is something I've always dreamed of doing. But don't you dare fucking tell me to forget you. You can't expect me to do the impossible. Goodbye, Midoriya. Whatever is going on with you, I hope you work your way through it. I'll be rooting for you, in your corner like always." Kirishima touched his fingers to Midoriya's chin, tilted his head up and briefly grazed his lips against his now ex-boyfriend's, then walked away.

Midoriya stood there, his fingers tracing where Kirishima had kissed him, crying harder now as he watched Kirishima's back grow smaller. He wanted to call him back, tell him to never mind all that talk about breaking up, to just go back to when they were so happy in love. But he couldn't, not when he had to work out just how to make sure he and his mother would get through the next few months.

Midoriya's mother Inko needed his full attention and support if she was going to get through this diagnosis and treatment for her sickness. Getting Kiri involved would only stunt his own dreams and he couldn't do that to someone with so much talent and potential. Midoriya accepted that he'd get no further than he was now. He wasn't going to hold Kiri back too.

**~Four Years Later~**

The shrill whine of the alarm brought Midoriya out of his slumber, yawning and wondering if this day was going to be any different from the one before. He'd been at this office job for nearly three years now and had recently been promoted. The pay raise and slightly better benefits didn't make the job any more enjoyable. But he still went through the same routine every morning, showering and heating up some quick convenience store meal before catching the train to the office. Same dull reports to read through, nothing different. His life was a series of dull grays and blurred edges.

The only source of color in his life came in his dreams, when he saw Kirishima beaming at him with his fire-red hair and sharp, toothy grin. Although the dreams gave him comfort, they also left him wondering what his life would be like if he'd made a different choice four years ago. Would he have made it as a pro hero? He kept up with Kirishima online and was happy to see that he'd made a name for himself in the States as a dependable and cheerful hero. At least one dream got to become reality.

"Midoriya, did you gather the files for the executive meeting this afternoon?"

Without looking up from his computer, he grabbed a stack of folders and held them out for his co-worker to take.

"Ah, my hero! You know, a few of us are going out later for drinks. You should come with, it'll be good for you to socialize every now and then."

"Sorry, I have a lot of work to catch up on. Maybe next time," Midoriya answered back, though his tone was less than sincere.

"You said that last time, too. Oh well, can't say I didn't try!"

Midoriya finished up his current task, saved and locked his computer terminal, and went out for lunch. Normally he'd get something from the office's cafeteria, but a new katsudon shop had opened just a block away, and it was hard for him to ignore it. Standing in line, he was nearly at the entrance to the building when he saw him. Shaking his head, he had to blink a few times to be sure his eyes were working correctly.

"Kiri-Kirishima?!" His ex was walking his way with a crowd of people around him. He was smiling and making small talk. Midoriya's heart jumped up into his throat at the thought that he was back in Japan. Had he finished his work in America? Tears threatened to fall as he watched him get closer. He had to say something to him. After four years and a lot of regret, he had to engage with him again. He couldn't possibly expect to pick up where they had left off, but he had to at least tell him how he truly felt, even after all this time.

Kirishima noticed him and smiled, waving with his left hand. As the crowd thinned out, he noticed a small child at his side, occupying his right hand with her own.

"Midoriya! It's so great to see you! How have you been?" Kiri said as he got close and offered up a hug, which Midoriya took cautiously.

"I've been good. So you've come back to Japan? And who is this?" Midoriya asked, gesturing to the little girl hugging Kirishima's leg. She looked nearly identical to Kirishima, with amber colored eyes and hair that was as red as Kiri's at the roots, but gradually changed to an orange then faded yellow. The young girl had captured all the beauty of a sunrise with her long, wavy locks.

"This is my daughter, Hinode. She just turned two. She's pretty shy though, a total daddy's girl, right Hino?" She dug her face further into her father's pantleg at the attention she was now getting.

"Sh-she's beautiful, Kiri. I'd like to catch up, but I should get back to work. Take care. Nice to meet you, Hinode!" Midoriya said, trying to sound cheerful as he walked away from the restaurant and his former lover. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Kirishima had no reason to wait for someone like him. Now he had a wife, a daughter. He had a family now. He had no place with him after all.

"Midoriya, wait!" yelled Kirishima as he ran to catch up. "I know that look, I can tell you're upset, but you don't have to run off, okay?" Kirishima took hold of Midoriya's hand and squeezed gently. "Please, let's just go somewhere and talk."

Shaking his head, Midoriya let loose the tears that he was trying to spare anyone else from seeing. "What else is there to talk about, Kiri?! I left you behind four years ago, and… And I've regretted it ever since! I didn't have a choice back then, but God knows I didn't want to lose you! But it really is too late, isn't it? Y-You looked so happy walking down the street earlier. You have a beautiful daughter, I'm sure your wife is just as gorgeous. You became the hero everyone knew you would be! Your life is perfectly fine without me in it, so please, don't say that we should talk. Nothing else needs to be said!"

"Midoriya, just listen!"

"No!" Midoriya yelled as he shook his hand free of Kirishima's grasp. "I told you to forget about me, but damn it, I couldn't even do that with you! I couldn't make myself stop loving you! My life is utter shit, and the memories of us that I cherished are the only highlight I have! Please, knowing there's no hope for a future with you… Just, just go back to your happy life, with your wife and child. Don't lead me on with false hope."

Midoriya ran off, no longer able to control his thoughts from becoming words. Embarrassed with how much he had admitted to Kirishima, he barely made it to his office building and into the closest restroom before crying. It took a while before he was able to compose himself enough to return to his cubicle. His head was fatigued and aching, making it hard for him to concentrate on his work.

Resigning to the fact that he wouldn't get any more work done, he gathered his coat and left for the day. His stomach rumbled, reminding him that he'd skipped out on getting lunch. Carefully checking the area first to see if Kirishima or anyone he recognized as still nearby, he went back to the katsu restaurant, which had a far shorter line at this time of day. After being seated and ordering, Midoriya sipped on some sake, hoping it would help settle his nerves. A pair of female friends at the table next to him were a few bottles into their evening, and their conversation gradually became loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Speaking of suitable husbands, did you see that guy that was here earlier? The one with the spiky hair in the man bun."

The blonde tilted her half-empty glass towards her raven-haired companion, "You mean that pro from America? The one with the adorable little girl? I was right behind him in line! He was so friendly, but when I asked him if we could exchange numbers, he turned me down politely."

"Well duh, he must be taken already if he's got the kid, right?"

Midoriya rolled his eyes, he couldn't even get a break from this subject hours later. He went from sipping his drink to shooting them down, pouring more just as his food arrived.

"That's the sad thing. He didn't tell me, but one of the people in his little entourage let it slip what happened. It turns out his wife died during a hero mission. He's not married or taken, he's a widower."

The glass in Midoriya's hand slipped through his fingers, bouncing off his thigh before shattering against the floor. His eyes wide, Midoriya felt his eyes flood once more. The words he had said to Kiri earlier, about going back to his wife… Damnit, how cruel could he be?! Wiping away the tears with his napkin, he threw some money on the table and ran out of the shop. Though slightly drunk, he knew without a doubt that he had to face Kirishima and apologize to him for what he had said in his ignorance.

Pulling out his phone, he slid through his contacts before choosing the one he was looking for. It had been so long since he'd gotten in touch with anyone else from UA, the number may not even be the right one anymore.

"The fuck are _you_ calling for, nerd?"

"Ahh, Kacchan, so this number still works, good," Midoriya said with relief in his voice.

Bakugou growled into the phone, "Are you drunk or just stupid? If you can't decide which, I'm just gonna hang up."

"WAIT! Wait, I just… I know you and Kirishima have been good friends for a while. I, I need to know where he is, I have to tell him something."

"Didn't you say enough earlier?" So Midoriya was right to think that Kiri would stay in touch with Kacchan. They were close during high school, to the point where Midoriya would feel jealous, even though he and Kiri had dated each other through most of their time at UA.

"There was a lot I didn't know, Kacchan. I have to see him and tell him I'm sorry. I'm sure that you hate me for what I said today, but please, just give me the chance to apologize to him! Nothing more or less, I swear."

The silence on the other end of the line made Midoriya believe Kacchan had hung up after all, until his gruff voice came back on. "If it were left up to me, I'd let you suffer with the guilt you're drowning in right now. But it's not. He said to meet him where he took you for your first date. 9pm. If you hurt him again, I'll kill you myself." The line went dead after that.

The tears Midoriya had now carried a hint of happiness within the sorrow. He'd been given the chance to make things right. He couldn't be scared now, he had to atone for the shameful things he'd said in anger and fear.

At 9pm sharp, he was waiting in front of the building that had been the local arcade back when they had first started dating. Now closed and abandoned, he found it hard to look around without feeling an emptiness inside from what this place had meant to them so many years ago.

"I… I kinda expected it to still be here. Guess that's on me for thinking things wouldn't change while I was gone," said Kirishima as he surprised Midoriya.

"Kiri, there's… I-I'm so sorry, for everything I said to you earlier." Midoriya fell to his knees, bowing before his former lover. "I spoke so carelessly, not knowing your situation. It was unfair of me to unload my own problems and anger on you. I apologize for it all. It's okay if you don't want to talk to me anymore. I don't deserve it after today." Midoriya felt hands touching his shoulders. He looked up to see Kirishima crying and smiling.

"Midoriya, there's no way you could have known. I kept a lot of my private life out of the news while I was overseas. But, to have you say that you regret us splitting up, and still having feelings for me after all this time. You have no idea how much joy that brings me!" He hit the ground and pulled Midoriya close and hugged him tight.

"Kiri, I'm sorry… sorry…" Midoriya repeated as he cried into Kirishima's shoulder as Kiri rocked gently back and forth, easing both of their pain.

Once they had gotten all the tears out of their systems, Midoriya brought Kirishima back to his apartment. After he made and set themselves each up with some hot tea, they sat down to catch up on the last four years.

"I'm sure you're curious about Hinode. She's with my parents tonight. They've been looking forward to meeting her for some time now, so she's in good hands. Anyway, I was set up with a partner for the internship, Nikkō. She was amazing; her Quirk allowed her to gather sunlight and channel it into energy blasts. Her offensive strategies combined with my shield and defense made us a force to be reckoned with. But we had both gone into the program lonely and recently single. We found comfort in each other, a friend with benefits kind of deal. Then we found out she was pregnant. Panicking, we decided that getting married was the right thing to do. Hinode was born not long after we finished the first part of the internship; she's the little sunrise that we created together."

Midoriya nodded and smiled, thinking about the little girl with the colors of the sunrise streaking through her hair. Watching Kiri talk about her, he could tell how much he cared for his daughter. It was a beautiful thing to witness, that kind of love.

"But even though we loved Hinode dearly, we just couldn't make it work as a couple. She could tell that my heart wasn't in it. That it belonged somewhere far from where we were. Nikkō started taking more solo missions. She was cornered by a villain we'd been tracking for weeks and didn't make it out alive."

"Kiri, I'm so sorry," said Midoriya.

"Right after it happened was the toughest time in my life. Not only was I alone for the first time in years, I also had the responsibility of taking care of another person. I grieved for her, of course, because despite it all, there was a part of me that did grow to love her in some way. I realized that staying in the States wouldn't work out. She didn't have any relatives there, so moving back to Japan seemed the best idea. Here I have my parents and friends for help and support. I really needed that when I first lost Nikkō. I also decided to come back to Japan because I knew you'd need that same support, Midoriya."

"Me? Wh-what are you…"

"Bakugou told me while I was making the arrangements to come back; about your mother passing. I know you were close, and I'm sure it still hurts."

Midoriya was surprised at the mention of his mother. "It's been almost six months since… I did everything I could to make sure she was comfortable. And she was still smiling, even at the end. God, I miss her so much, Kiri!" Midoriya started sobbing, his head dropped onto his forearms that were resting against the table. Kirishima jolted up from his chair and rushed to Midoriya's side, embracing him once again.

"I know, Midoriya, I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you through the hardest part of it. But we can be here now, for each other. You don't have to hurt alone anymore, okay?" Kirishima said as he squeezed Midoriya closer. Even though Midoriya had never had a problem crying before, Inko's death had left him unable to do so for her. Not until now, and he let out six months' worth of grief as Kiri held him tight. Exhausting himself, Midoriya fell asleep in Kirishima's arms.

Waking up the next morning, Midoriya found himself in his own bed. Sitting up, he looked around and found Kirishima curled up at the edge of the bed. His movement woke Kiri up.

"You looked like you needed some rest, so I brought you in here. I didn't do anything funny to you, I swear!" Kirishima stated, his arms held up to emphasize his innocence.

"I feel a lot better now, Kiri. I think there's some things I need to share with you now. I gave up the hero internship to stay with Mom after we found out about her illness. But telling you why I wasn't going would have made you stay with me, I was sure of it. I couldn't let you do that after working so hard to get into that overseas program. It broke my heart, letting you go, but I felt it was the right thing to do. Even now… I don't know if I could have made a different choice. I found work that made it possible to pay for her treatments. I like to think it made it possible for her to stay with me a little longer. That must sound selfish, but she was all that I had after I let you go. And once she was gone, I just felt empty. I went back to my job, repeated the same shit, day in and day out. Then I see you, walking in my direction after all those years of loneliness and misery. I jumped to conclusions and caused a scene during our first meeting in four years. How stupid I must have looked to you," Midoriya said with a chuckle.

"My heart was in my throat as soon as I saw you, Midoriya. I squeezed Hinode's hand tight as I waved to you. She asked me why I was scared. She's so smart, and perceptive. That's Nikkō coming through in her, because she didn't get it from me. But I told her that I was nervous because I saw someone I care about. She gripped my hand back and told me to man up. Can you believe that? My little girl telling me to be more manly!"

"She definitely takes after her father in that regard," laughed Midoriya. Kirishima slid himself closer to Midoriya on the bed and took his hands into his own.

"Midoriya, I know that all this talking isn't going to make up for the fact that we lost four years together. But I'd really like it if we could get a fresh, new start. Would you be okay with that?"

Nodding his head, Midoriya beamed with a smile Kirishima had waited years to see again. "I'd like that very much!" He let go of Kiri's hands and hugged him again.

"Then I now pronounce you my official boyfriend, Midoriya. I probably should have mentioned that the last four years have been rough on me. I hope you won't be grossed out by the whole dad bod I have going on," Kirishima said as he patted his stomach.

"Well that's a deal breaker, I wanted to wash my clothes on your abs!"

"Midoriya! You can't be serious!" Kirishima pouted, his puppy eyes made Midoriya weak. Some things could remain the same after four years.

"I dunno, we'll see…" Midoriya said as he kissed his new boyfriend gently. His lips were every bit as warm as he remembered them. "I think I can deal with the dad bod."


End file.
